Spectations

A study, of words, in crimson, sometimes blue, rarely yellow.

Archive for the tag “breath”

“What does it f…

“What does it feel like to be alive?
Living, you stand under a waterfall. You leave the sleeping shore deliberately; you shed your dusty clothes, pick your barefoot way over the high, slippery rocks, hold your breath, choose your footing, and step into the waterfall. The hard water pelts your skull, bangs in bits on your shoulders and arms.
The strong water dashes down beside you and you feel it along your calves and thighs rising roughly backup, up to the roiling surface, full of bubbles that slide up your skin or break on you at full speed. Can you breathe here? Here where the force is the greatest and only the strength of your neck holds the river out of your face. Yes, you can breathe even here. You could learn to live like this. And you can, if you concentrate, even look out at the peaceful far bank where you try to raise your arms. What a racket in your ears, what a scattershot pummeling!
It is time pounding at you, time… Knowing you are alive is watching on every side your generation’s short time falling away as fast as rivers drop through air, and feeling it hit.”

– Annie Dillard

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Her Curse.

A tear spills into her lap,
A moan is strangled at the edge of escape,
A hurt is swallowed before it gets unbearable,
A curse is accepted for the length of existance.

She sat on the same bench, in that corner of the park, under the same tree & imagines…

What if he hadn’t said those things?
What if she hadn’t let him out the door?
What if his promises had been true?
What if her love had been strong?
What if…?

It is of no use, thinking of him anymore.
It is of no use, wanting him anyore.
It is of no use, crying for him anymore.
It is of no use, she knew that a bit too well.

Still, the tears were too hard to hold back on that day, & the pain was a bit too much to ignore.

& with every breath she took,
& with every word she uttered,
& with every gesture she made,
He became a bit more a part of her,
Even though she thought she was ready to let go now.

She can’t love.
She can’t feel any emotion.
She does not know herself anymore.
She is nothing more than another body for his soul to dwell in.

He was her truest love.
He is her eternal curse.
& not a day she shall spend, without the essence of his being wrapped all around it.

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