Spectations

A study, of words, in crimson, sometimes blue, rarely yellow.

A Love Lost

I saw you again today, standing at the far end of the street, talking to people, smiling, laughing.

& once again your smile lit up my soul. & once again your ingorance puts it in darkness...

I thought of how long it had been since I’d heard that laugh, touched those lips.

I stood there, at a safe distance, hidden behind the bouquets of flowers, praying to God for the courage to take a few steps closer, for a better glance, a chance to hear you say my name again.

Suddenly you looked my way & I shrank further into my hiding place, wishing you hadn’t seen me. But when I looked back & saw that you hadn’t noticed me, the sudden disappointment was overwhelming.

Have you ever felt your heart break? I did, at that very moment, at the realization that the person who could point me out on a crowded street once, could not recognize me from such a small distance.

I kept looking at you, for how long I don’t recall, I lost track of time thinking about all the things we were.
It was real to me, you & I… I wonder why, but it still is.

I finally plucked up the courage & took a step forward.
& that’s when I saw her, standing next to you, looking as radiant as the sun.
The way you looked at her, with eyes full of feeling, reminded me of the way I looked at you. The pain hit as suddenly cold wind on a summer night.

& I felt my heart shatter, the pieces flying too far for me to collect. It was as if I’d lost you again, even though I knew somewhere in my heart that you were never mine.

& once again, I slipped into the shadows…
& once again, I faded…

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